I’m excited to share something with you. Something ordinary, yet somehow life-changing: The streamlined bedtime routine.
Multiple kids, different ages, varying needs paired with shared bedrooms and only one parent on bedtime duty: this can brew up bedtime anxiety, frustration and dread. Instead, picture this: a smooth, predictable 30-40 minutes to get everyone tucked in. Too good to be true? Not even a bit.
Note: Please excuse my grammar skills (or lack thereof). It’s never been my strong suit… but hey, at least you know this isn’t written by AI 🙂 Okay, now back to business.
The thing is.. There actually is a simple way out of chaotic bedtimes. Streamlining your children’s bedtime routine is a win-win all around: your child has a positive relationship with sleep, you know what to expect at bedtime and everyone is tucked in early enough for you to have time to yourself before bed. It comes down to these simple factors:
Like any effective bedtime routine, make sure it begins at an age-appropriate time. This can vary depending on nap timing/length and daytime activities. I recommend watching your baby for early tired cues (red eyes/eyebrows, staring into space (aka zoning out), rubbing/pulling their ears, yawning, etc.). When seeing these cues, begin the bedtime routine.
Note: late tired cues are fussy/crying, arching back with rigid arms, etc.
With bathroom activities/winddowns happening amongst all children, you can then send the most tired to bed first (this may vary depending on nap(s). For example, your 10-month-old may have had a solid second nap, so your toddler may need to be tucked in first. Bring your baby along with you for toddler bedtime routine. Try not to get sucked into “keeping everyone quiet/docile” to make sleep happen. Let your little one’s get used to each other’s noises & nuances so that they can still fall into sleep (even when toddler is having big feelings).
You may notice that staggered tuck-ins work well. An example schedule could look something like this:
5:45/6:00pm: Dinner
6:30pm: Play time (outside time, sensory input activities, dancing). Note: in my house, this looks like cranked music while we reset the kitchen.
6:50/7:00pm: Bathtime (everyone in the bath, with towels and diapers ready bathside)
After bath: Bring baby into their room to get jammied, and fed (Embrace the toddler coming in and out)
After the baby is in bed: Bring the toddler into their sleep space and plan to spend time reading, connecting and tucking in.
Lay it out simply; for everyone’s sake. Our kids benefit from knowing what to expect night after night. They will feel safe & secure knowing what to expect. Embrace visuals and age-appropriate language to communicate expectations around bedtime (For example: in 1 minute, it’s bath time. Then, story snuggles and goodnight). Even if your little one is resisting the bedtime routine or is feeling escalated, you would pause to hear & validate their feelings, then continue moving along with the routine. Ideally, the same routine (approx. timing, order, environment, etc.) would take place every single night, regardless of who is doing bedtime routine. The routine becomes their journey to sleep, rather than a person putting them into a state of sleep.
Lean into the chaos of it. Bedtimes can be loud, hectic and messy. Begin bedtime routine knowing that it’s going to be a busy hour, to help keep your expectations on point. Stay on task, while being the calm (regulated) parent in the room. Our kids can’t be expected to calm down if we are escalated.
Bring baby along. If you have a wee baby who is needing you + a toddler who is not settling for bed, bring your baby along. Create bedtime spaces that are realistic, which can include siblings. While staying on track with the routine (following in the same order), bring your baby along with you.
Embrace the concept of focusing on what you can control.
We can’t control:
- How long it takes my child to fall asleep at bedtime
- How everyone will be feeling at bedtime (crying, fussy, anger, etc.)
- How often they wake in the night
What we CAN control:
- Timing
- Environment
- Routine
- Response
- Expectations
- Consistency
So there we have it. The opportunity to take hold of the bedtime routine, and send your kids into a rest-filled slumber. Tonight is a brand new night. The next few nights are going by anyway, you might as well do something.
Bridget Jensen is a graduate of Wilfrid Laurier University, Conestoga College and is the Canadian Director of the Association of Professional Sleep Consultants. Bridget’s calm and supportive demeanor are beneficial while working with families, individuals and workplaces all over Canada and beyond. She is dedicated to helping people get the rest they need, so they can feel at their best during the day. She is founder of Better Bedtime, a full-service sleep consultancy based in Waterloo Region. Services range from one-on-one programs for infants, children and adults to sleep sessions for the workplace.
